My favourite interview questions

Whether you were accepted for that job or not, we've all had terrible interview moments. It may just be that awkward silence when they ask you an unexpected question, or it may genuinely be a sudden racist outburst. Below are some of the most spectacularly banal interview questions, and how to answer them!

Q: Are you willing to put in long hours?
A: I believe in getting - the job - done  *stern hand gestures*
Real Answer: Hours are always the same length. Idiot.

Q: What are your requirements?

A: A hardworking team and YOU as my boss!

Real Answer: My screen not visible and Facebook not blocked.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
A: In this same industry, in a reasonably higher position... hopefully in this firm!
Real Answer: Five whole years?? I don't even set my table for fear of being presumptuous! 

Q: Do you mind formatting 300-page Word documents? (or any other admin task)
A: I believe that a business is a well-oiled machine - with each part equally important! *hand out real estate pamphlet*

Real Answer: Ever since I was a wee one I dreamt of aligning bullet points and organising style sheets. 

Q: What's your dream job?

A: Junior Analyst for Homewares and Whitegoods
Real Answer: YouTube 

Q: What's your greatest flaw?
A: I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I push myself tooooo hard. *fist pump*
Real Answer: REALLY gossipy. I've been making faces to your assistant every time you've put your head down. 

Q: Do you mind if we contact your references?
A: Of course not, please feel free. *gliding hand gesture of amicability*
Real Answer: Yes, but only those numbers I provided you. If you call my former workplace, anything they tell you is a lie. 

Q: What are your salary expectations?
A: The industry standard will do. Me? I'm into career progression!
Real Answer: GIMME GIMME GIMME